That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
