So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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