guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
