Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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