you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
