GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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