i don't like sucking hair
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
