Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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