I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
