He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
