This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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