i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
