ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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