One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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