you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm determined to sit on that face.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
