two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
