i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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