I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
