I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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