I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
