Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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