i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
