i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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