I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you traded sex for a burrito?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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