I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
