He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
