ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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