he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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