there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
