I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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