I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
