Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Randomize
