Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
