I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
