My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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