You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
