But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize