I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
