this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
