If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
