Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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