i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
