I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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