did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We have started to decorate penises.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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