She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
