Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize