He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
