I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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