wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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