Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
