Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
