I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
