tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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