There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
