Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize