ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
