I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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