he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize