i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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