I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
