its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Boobs speak an international language.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
