The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
