Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
