just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
