Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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