Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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