Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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