Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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