see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize