Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
