my mouth tastes like poor choices
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
