her facebook's as public as her vagina
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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